Chasing Perfect

The story of Martha and Mary is not one I remember from growing up. The story of Lazarus?  Sure, but not his sisters.  And yet, as an adult, I find this story is one of the most important, significant reminders of what life is about—or rather, should be about. 

Stop chasing perfect and live in the moment.

Martha was the emblematic little homemaker…the busy-bee cleaning, cooking, and playing perfect hostess to her important guest. While Mary, the loafer by many modern standards, was the model hostess.  She sat and visited with their guest.  Listening and talking, being in the moment.

With Christmas just days away, I can’t help but reflect on many a Christmas that I missed because I was too busy trying to make it perfect.  For me the hours from 6am December 24 through 10pm on December 25 consists of cooking, cleaning, polishing, setting the table, taking out the trash, running all over town for last minute items, changing batteries in the camera, worrying about having the right gifts, getting up before dawn to place gifts under the tree, cooking breakfast, cleaning the kitchen again, taking out the trash again, hosting brunch, cleaning the kitchen yet again… you get the picture.  By mid-Christmas Day I’m a zombie.  I can’t focus long enough to have a conversation with my family, much less make quality memories.  My eyelids are droopy by dinner and I’m irritated with everyone around me. I don’t really want to play evening board games because I’m too tired, and at bedtime I’ll ask myself ‘where did the day go?’  I missed it!

The perfectionist Traci wants to make the day memorable and special to everyone around me, but me.  What I long for is a happy memory of spending precious time with those I love.  What I get is exhaustion and disappointment when the day is over. In my hustle for perfection, I get distracted from the true purpose of the day.  I have no one to blame for missing out on this magical time of the year, but me.

This Christmas Day I am going to really focus on being present.  I’ve thought a lot about this, what steps I need to take to make that happen, and I’ve come up with this:

Change my vision of perfect.  When I envision the ultimate Christmas Day, I see the orderly unwrapping of gifts by the fireplace and a gourmet meal on fine china.  I need to reevaluate what my vision of perfect truly is, and then make it happen.

Set expectations for the day with my family.  Ask them what is important and how they want to spend the day.  If it’s eating boxed lasagna with bagged salad on paper plates in our pajamas, then so be it.  If they prefer the picture-perfect Christmas, then I’ll ask for help ahead of time…and make it a family affair (instead of mom does all).

This extends not only to my husband and children, but also my parents, in-laws, siblings, and friends who share the day with us.  If having a spectacular brunch on china with silver is important to the extended family, then I’ll plan that meal at another time.  If coming into a messy house with breakfast dishes in the sink and wrapping paper all over the den floor is troubling, then I’ll invite the extended family to visit on another day.  My guess is they will all be happy with paper plate meals and the clutter, and the only person that will notice the mayhem is me.

I’m on the hunt for simplicity in findingJOY this Christmas.  I’d love to hear your holiday findingJOY stories.

Lagniappe:  Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, by Joanna Weaver, was the first book read by my Bible study / support group / prayer warriors almost ten years ago. The inspirational words from Jonna still ring true to me today. Want a great holiday read? I highly recommend!

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