findingJOY in Illness
What do I say to a friend who just learned she has cancer? Not just a friend, a bestie. I’m at a total loss for words. My other bestie (yes, we are a triad) always finds the right words:
I can’t imagine the shock of hearing it. Did they say anything more or will that come with another visit? You will be able to handle it—now you can form a plan and knock it out.
Such wisdom in words!
I ultimately responded with:
Bestie is right! You CAN handle this, and we’ll be right with you…holding your hand, praying, helping, and findingJOY!
I was told I had ovarian cancer several years ago that required a complete hysterectomy. I can still remember the fear and sleepless nights; a feeling of being completely out of control and no way to gain it back. The worst part for me was the five weeks between hearing the doctor’s words ‘you have cancer’ and the surgery to find out the extent of my illness. Thank goodness it turned out to be pre-cancer and I didn’t require further treatment.
My support group, which are also my prayer warriors, were the best relief for peace and findingJOY during that dark time. I clung to these Bible verses: Matthew 18:20 and James 5:14-15 which states that if anyone is sick, she should call upon believers for prayer, because prayer given in faith of complete healing will be granted according to God’s will (not my will, but God’s will). Just knowing that others were praying on my behalf was joyful.
After researching I found recommendations for the right words—if there is such a thing—for a friend with illness worth sharing:
· I’m not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care.
· I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this.
· If you want to talk about it, I’m here.
· Please let me know how I can help.
Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, mskcc.org, makes the following recommendations for supporting such a friend that I found helpful:
Appoint one friend as the contact person responsible for keeping everyone else in the loop on treatment, needs, and times for calls and visits.
Assist with grocery shopping, running errands, and laundry. If you are going to the store call and ask if there is anything you can pick up.
Listen. Be intuitive to a friend’s cues on needs. Often talking about things other than illness is a relief.
Other suggestions included: ask before you visit, consider gifts and food items carefully, support family members too, and continued support through a lengthy ordeal is appreciated.
Don’t shy away from someone just because they are ill and you don’t know what to say or do. Embrace them. Love them. I’m happy to report that my friend did well through surgery and treatment and is healing nicely. Modern medicine is wonderful!
Lagniappe. My yellow China Rose is in full autumn bloom and it’s just lovely. The yellow rose symbolizes friendship and joy.
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