A few weeks back I shared with you that our family has a Christmas three-gift rule, in keeping with the true spirit of the Christmas story. 

When my children were young, I tried hard to ‘be fair’ by spending the same amount on gifts for each child.  I found it difficult to meet their desires while also trying to ‘be fair’.  To ensure that each son got gifts of comparable economic value, I would inevitably add a few extras items here and then a few more there in my attempt to ‘be fair’.  Before too many years I was purchasing way above the three-gift rule and overspending my budget in the process.  I’d fallen into the seasonal marketing trap!

Now that my children are older, I’ve learned that they don’t care about equality in the value of their gifts.  What they do care about is the thoughtfulness of their gifts.  And I’ve come to believe this is true for almost anyone receiving a gift.  It’s easy to give our friends a candle purchased in haste (everyone loves a candle, right?).  However, when one gives a lot of thought and planning into a gift it is fully appreciated and treasured as an expression of love. 

For example. If one were to wash her hands in any bathroom in my house, she would know that I love the scent of Niven Morgan’s Jean Baptiste 1717 (hint friends) and if a friend were to gift me a Niven Morgan candle this Christmas, I would be truly thrilled.  That’s the thoughtfulness of the gift I am speaking of.

So, how do you give thoughtful gifts?

Listen.

It’s that simple.  Listen to what those on your shopping list are saying.  Throughout the year, listen to what one says about their needs, likes, and desires, and then meet that need. 

In early summer we grilled a steak dinner for my visiting parents.  After dinner, while cleaning the dishes my mother admired our steak knives.  She lamented that she would like to have a nice set of steak knives.  My parents own plenty of nice steak knives, but she expressed appreciation for the quality, sharpness, and ease of use of our knives.

Believe me, friends, when I say I went straight to my mobile phone Notes App, opened the “2020 Gift Ideas” page, and typed “Mom- steak knives”.  The beauty of this little 1-minute act, now five months later, is that I remember and know what I’m purchasing my mother this holiday. She will love it because I remembered.  And I get the benefit of a thoughtful gift, without the stress of guessing, and the knives are a lot less expensive than what I typically would spend for her Christmas gift.  I apply this approach to all my gift-giving.

My children are at different lifestyle stages.  One son has just graduated college, moved off, and lives in an apartment.  His needs differ from my eldest who has a small house and lawn to maintain and is constantly borrowing my clippers and electric drill.  My youngest is in middle school and of course he desires the latest gaming device (he hasn’t expressly told me so but I’ve caught him researching new releases).  There is no way to select appropriate gifts for them of the same dollar value this holiday, so I won’t even try.  Instead, I’ll go to my mobile phone Notes App, open the “2020 Gift Ideas” page and purchase the ones I love a thoughtful gift that they truly want.

My recommendations to you for findingJOY in the simplifying your holiday shopping:

• Create a “Gift Ideas” page in the Notes App on your mobile phone and add the people you will purchase for this holiday season.  I even recommend adding a budget by each entry (it adds up before you know it) to keep you mindful of your spending.

• Make a conscious effort to listen to those around you and identify their likes, needs and desires.  Start adding to your “Gift Ideas” page.  I keep prior year lists and sometimes move ideas that did not get purchased (remember the three-gift-rule) to the current list.  It’s also helpful when suggesting gift ideas to others.

• Let go of “being fair.”  It’s more important and appreciated to have thoughtful gifts, within your budget, than ensuring all gifts are of the same economic value.

The stress of gift-giving can kill joy.  So, don’t let that happen to you this holiday season. Remember that findingJOY is all about being a little organized and diligent in listening and note-taking.  It’s not too late to start today!

Lagniappe:  To my mom, if you are reading this, Sorry I spoiled your Christmas surprise.

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